The Secret (Deodorant) to Spending Less

I am blessed to have a husband who is tall, dark, and handsome. He looks like a manly man with his chiseled jaw, wide shoulders, and big, strong hands. He acts the part as well--changing flat tires on the side of the highway, swinging a hammer to build a fence, and yelling at the TV during a ball game. He can spend hours with his running buddies and never discuss anything deeper than chili recipes or the quarterback controversy for the upcoming football season.

Most of the time, Jeff is very secure in his masculinity. There are just a few exceptions:

1) Never, under any circumstance, is he going to share a bed with another man. If a group of four guys go on a trip and rent a hotel room with two beds, this presents a problem. It does not matter that Jeff and a potential male bed partner are 100% heterosexual and know each other well. Jeff would rather sleep in the bathtub with a sheet than sleep with a man. This is an affliction largely limited to males, and I have yet to hear an adequate explanation. The best they can do is say "you have to be a man to understand." (Total cop out!) On the contrary, I and most women have no problem sharing a bed with a female friend if necessary--what's the big deal?

2) Jeff will not wear a pink shirt. He says it does not favor his olive complexion, (or something like that), though I suspect the issue goes deeper. Wives usually make lousy therapists (says Jeff) so I not analyze this detail further.

3) Jeff will not get a manicure or pedicure. He did once, when he won a club trip through work and was tricked into registering at the resort spa for the "Gentleman's Package." He felt so emasculated after the facial and nail treatments that he was unable to open a jar of honey so that I could sweeten my herbal tea. He has never fully recovered from this indignity.

If you had asked me prior to Lent if there is something else Jeff won't do because it assaults his masculinity, I would have cited his refusal to use any type of hygiene product marketed expressly to women. However, when we gave up "unnecessary consumer spending" and his treasured Right Guard deodorant ran dry, he had to choose between wearing no deodorant or using Powder Scent Secret, complete with a pink ribbon and pretty flower on the packaging.

Jeff's company is in bankruptcy and he needs all the leverage he can get in order to avoid layoffs. Having excessive B.O. will not be a plus when it comes time to pass out the pink slips. Plus, he respects me and the general public enough to use deodorant, even if it makes him smell like baby powder with a hint of tiger lily. I was proud of him and told him so.

There were other substitutions, as well. We ran out of pancake mix, so Jeff found a recipe on the back of a box of Bisquick and made some delicious fluffy pancakes. We were out of pancake syrup, so we substituted chocolate syrup, which turned out to taste awesome!

My weekly swimming sessions went forward without my swim cap, which ripped on the second day of our fast, and my swim goggles, which fell apart a few weeks later. After my swim goggles bit the dust, I was unable to see the blue line at the bottom of the pool which directs me in a straight line. Without goggles, I looked like the equivalent of a drunk driver, careening recklessly from one side of my lane to the next. Only the floating plastic blue ropes on the sides of my lane kept me from colliding into other swimmers.

I was embarrassed, but at least the lifeguard was amused. She used her phone to film me. I may be featured on You Tube as the "Drunken Swimmer Who Would Fail A Pool Sobriety Test" for all I know.

Mika and Macy survived Spring Break without us spending a dime on entertainment. They were unhappy when I refused to take them to see the Lorax movie, claiming they were the ONLY ONES not at the theatre. Instead of the movies, I took them to get vaccinated for Typhoid in advance of our trip to Guatemala this summer. This temporarily earned me the distinction as "worst mom ever." I resorted to prying forgiveness from them by using two of the strongest weapons in my arsenal: a Barbie movie and a couple of sugar-laden cupcakes with extra sprinkles.

The moral of the story? We found our family can get by on less when we need to. We don't always have to have what we want when we want it (kids and adults alike). We discovered how prone we are to use money to solve our problems, provide entertainment, and make sure we are comfortable at all times. However, when we fasted from spending we were forced to use some ingenuity and creativity instead of mindlessly tapping the ATM or maxing out our credit card.

Having made these lofty observations, I would be a liar if I didn't say that I am glad to have swim goggles so I can see clearly in the water again. Jeff was relieved to jettison the Secret Deodorant for a manly brand, and Mika and Macy were so happy when I took them back to Sonic I thought they might kiss the fluorescent menu, the carhop, or both.

And now? The iced-coffees from 7-Eleven taste delicious, summer sandals have been ordered from Zappos, and I'm not cooking every night thanks to Papa Johns and Babe's Chicken. Yipee!! I would be completely satisfied if I could solve one of life's greatest mysteries: "Why can't two straight dudes sleep in the same bed?"

I discovered MORE space in my brain!

Many of us are feel our brain might explode because of all the stuff crammed into it and competing for space--can I get an AMEN? Our minds are saturated with the barrage of data and technology that enters through every crevice of our lives. There is always "noise" around us. Unless you are a Benedictine monk, you probably have information overload.

Do you know a noisy, yet sneaky and insidious force that is constantly assaulting us? It is the almighty machine of Big Marketing. Numbers vary, but approximately $150 billion is spent on marketing each year in the U.S. alone. It's main job is to create dissatisfaction so that we will be compelled to buy some product or service. And it is extremely effective--based on consumer spending, debt, and the rampant materialism ever-present in our culture.

In my last post, I shared that our family gave up "unnecessary consumer spending" for Lent. It is not easy, but I am here to tell you that it felt WONDERFUL and FREEING to temporarily disconnect from some cultural behemoths ever-present in my life: marketing messages, shopping, and consumption. When I gave up most spending, the first sensation I noticed was more room in my brain to actually think.

I know it sounds silly and highly exaggerated, but I felt like a huge amount of static and garbage was removed from my mind. It was calming for me; it allowed me to mentally breathe and to reflect on other things. I felt peaceful.

What I now recognize is that I spend a lot of time mentally planning shopping trips. I plan where I am going to go and what I will buy. I wonder what store I will go to next if the store I visit does not have what I want. I think about what stores are having sales this week. I make shopping lists, which I lose, so I make more lists. I spend brain cells justifying why I am going to buy this or that. I flip through catalogs and make note of the latest fashions or decorations for a birthday party. It is never-ending for me.

These thoughts are normally galloping through my mind many, many times a day, often subconsciously. When I fasted from unnecessary spending it was like I extracted a menacing loop of thoughts, leaving empty space. Imagine, I found extra gray matter for new thoughts or even quiet contemplation. It felt incredibly relaxing, kind of like a mental massage. Most importantly, space was cleared for me to hear the gentle voice of God. He was calling me away from the materialistic stuff that engrosses me and into subdued, peaceful, fellowship with him--far more valuable than anything I find in a catalog or buy at the mall.

As the weeks wore on, days would go by and I would realize that I hadn't even thought about my favorite stores or what I might like to buy. I wasn't interested in the Khol's spring catalog, because whatever was advertised would not be on sale when Lent was complete, so it was easy to toss it. Once Mika and Macy realized I would not be buying them anything other than food from the store to eat, they quit begging for and asking for things. (YES!)

When friends mentioned something they had recently purchased, I listened with interest, but then the conversation quickly exited my brain. I no longer defaulted to thoughts such as: "I want that (necklace, pedicure, CD, etc) too! I wonder how I can get my hands on it?"

At last, I took a deep breath and and could fully appreciate all the comforts I have been blessed with instead of trying to figure out how I could acquire more. I realized I had allowed my desire to collect more stuff to hijack part of my mind.

Of course, it is not inherently wrong to make mental shopping lists or purchases at the store. It is all about finding balance and harmony. My hope is that now that Lent is over, I will be armed with the understanding and recognition of how easily my mind can be overtaken by thoughts of shopping, buying, and consuming. Warning to my brain: Watch out! I already feel Big Marketing sneaking up behind you!

John Frieda Root Awakening and Smoothing Lotion--A Want or a Need?

"What will we give up this year?" Lent was approaching, and Jeff and I discussed what we would voluntarily surrender from Ash Wednesday to Resurrection Sunday. In the past, we have chosen sweets, sodas, TV, or something else that is relatively cut-and-dry. Our decision? "We will give up 'unnecessary consumer spending!'" We unwittingly found ourselves confronting dilemmas we hadn't seen coming.

Note: We are not wrestling with the following issues because we are mired in legalism or are afraid God is going to whack us over the head if we don't "sacrifice enough." Quite the opposite; God is gracious, and he displayed his magnificent grace through the death of his only Son. However, if we choose to "give something up" in order to identify in a small way with Christ, it must challenge us and make us uncomfortable, or it really isn't a sacrifice at all.

Our choice for 2012 presented immediate and continual challenges as we struggled to define what constitutes "unnecessary" consumer spending. Some items in our budget obviously had to go: eating out, paying for movies, and purchases at Joanns for my craft projects were easy calls to make.

Groceries--clearly a need--were allowed--but what kind of groceries? I admit, we cut down on some of the junk food, but still bought a number of food items that we certainly could have lived without (Blue Bell ice cream and Cheez-its, anyone?)

We also spent more than was mandatory on groceries because instead of meeting in restaurants, we had people to our home for coffee or a meal. We hosted two marshmallow roasts in our cul-de-sac. We cooked food and served it to AIDS patients who live in government housing in Oak Cliff. Romans 12:13 states, "Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." So, we reasoned that Jesus is totally cool with us spending money to feed others and/or welcome them into our home.

I decided that beauty treatments are not essential--goodbye eyebrow waxing, hair cuts, and John Frieda Root Awakening and Smoothing Lotion (once my bottle ran out). However, Jeff insisted that his hair must be neatly trimmed to maintain his professional appearance. (As a stay-at-home mom, my hair does not have to impress anyone;) We could not think of a way to get his hair cut for free, so I sent him to Great Clips with a coupon for a $7.99 cut and style.

My mother's birthday fell within Lent. I believe it would have been very hurtful and dishonoring not to give my mom a gift, so I went to the mall and bought her the French perfume she had requested. Again, I believe offering a gift in love to the woman who birthed and raised me is totally Jesus-approved.

We tried to spend as little money as possible on gas, but we still drove two cars, including my gas-guzzling van. Jeff could have carpooled with others who work for his employer, at least on some days. I made several local trips to see friends that could have been eliminated. I could have bicycled to pick my girls up from school every single day. We decided not to take these extreme measures but instead opted to use Jeff's car, a small sedan, whenever possible.

Every day presented new questions--"Is this a want or a need? Can I do without this, at least for a few weeks? Can I borrow this item from a friend? If this is not a need, does it demonstrate God's love, help others, or build community?

These questions forced me to think differently, since I had abandoned my usual MO of walking mindlessly into a store and swiping a credit card for whatever I wanted/needed/expected/deserved. This experience has been exhilarating, challenging, fun, frustrating, and thought provoking. I have learned I can pluck my own eyebrows and that I don't have to immediately replace my trusty black sharpie when it runs out of ink.

On a more serious note, I feel there was space created in my life so that I could see my relationship to money and possessions from a fresh perspective. God spoke to me about a lot of different things that I am usually to busy to hear because I am composing my errand list or roaming the aisles at Target.

My eyes have definitely been opened to some surprising revelations I am certain I would have missed if our family had not observed Lent in this way. The next few posts will be about what I have learned from this journey--lessons that are at times profound, at times embarrassing, at times funny, and at times surprising. Stay tuned!